The next time

Not there, but at home

scattered excess, clumped in fours

no writing means you didn’t try to remember anything

the negative of the nows (what isn’t said by whom)

“positive framing of the the cutup”

A sympathetic voice?

A sympathetic listening?

damp clothes that smell like winter, in school

a backdrop of sound that holds the smaller, discontinuous sounds

the responsibility of lifting and holding others’ voices

held higher than the noise of – .

Who is lifting (doing the communal work)?

 

*

 

And now trying to capture this constant feeling (or small pebbles of a feeling, pebbles tessellating with each other; you can insert one into the pattern if you forgot to record a tiny feeling that modifies the other ‘main’ feeling, and consequently there will be a ripple of pebbles that shuffle to accommodate this new pebble, of a feeling) that is definitely hard to pin down and isn’t a blanket feeling (as with the pebble assembly, it’s made from small parts that have some elements in common), that is to do with the worry for others, and something to do with a projection of energy outwards towards others (sometimes positive sometimes negative), and a real wonder at how people have the audacity and courage to even be. It’s to do with the affective resonance of others’ interactions with class and status (and swallowed class and swallowed status) and poverty and communication and lack of communication and never really knowing. Seems like a flow but doesn’t feel like a flow.

 

*

 

Thin film of peripheries stretched

over greasy fingerprint plastic dash

hold it in; flecks float in revolution,

the windows wound tight.

 

“the washing machine is on spin”

“and memory, and the senses”

disorder of language

the shape of thinking without the procession of words

 

“How do you get to feel like a real person?”

The countryside

abiding by the rules in ways that fit our own rules

and now open, rumbles higher

 

*

 

And letting it flow because it’s a stand-in for a conversation that you don’t really need at all, but, it’s interesting to see what happens, but, you wouldn’t want anyone to look at it in this state. And not thinking about fate so fate and fate.

 

*

 

“It exists, so it happened in the past; is it still happening?

privilege of speculation (again)

talk is necessary!”

our ‘ground’

 

across wires

ignored reference points

“visceral moments to substitute sound”

extraction before action even hits:

 

the history of accountancy

massive US army plane

the equivalent of

driving my car

seven years

drawing a line under the day

beetroot

beet leaf

(misread)

snow bleed

 

*

 

A virtuosic sound can produce a physical reaction,

and a list of the chakras (not to claim anything, but to show that I was listening)

 

Seven Chakras Printable Poster

words like ‘powerful’ and ‘poetic’ and ‘interesting’ fall apart

who’s doing the research and what is it for?

and the library has reopened

 

*

 

And now, January

The soundless information

lost through technologies

& fanned through vibration

 

*

 

“The persistence of certain types of spaces.” And just writing that makes you realise it is absolutely not something that you even really believe. Are there “certain types” of spaces, or are there just places that get edges with some kind of hedge or stone or otherwise borrowed fence? But you can’t really talk about perimeters as you’ve never really had to deal with the edge of something large-scale (neither materially nor lived), the closest you’ve come to an edge is not understanding somebody, whom other people, in their versions, appear to understand quite well.

 

*

 

without perspective

circumstance

breaking waves etc.

looking out looking

family?

I will be friends with anyone who wants to be friends with me

panorama

The headings from different sections of the communiqués from dad (as a list)

reorienting myself in relation to this list, for it doesn’t really develop:

Black Peas

 

*

 

rotation of everything within my sphere

clothes on the radiator

plants, pots

the word ornament

something in the absorbed habits of frugality,

but the structures are different for you

the upside down toaster

how do elements work exactly?

igneous clues

what and what are so tangled

(a good thing a bad thing?)

 

*

 

The dream of the soft large dog, or bear, being upset, and the buttery waxen liquid flowing from its heavy eye folds. I can taste the liquid, it’s disgusting.

 

*

 

quotation marks as sound words

“ossification”

when you’re not within an Institution, but within an institution

a note I found: Participation in – . is producing somebody else’s evidence

homing sounds

absolutely not autobiographical

but wanting to keep certain things in your peripheries (like the health of the mind!)

back in the house

but

interrupting your own flow, when there was no thing driving it in the first place

& disinheritance

 

*

Particles are dissolved and chemically uncouple

They seep, and the language of everyday

Material life is mapped onto

Life at an invisible scale

 

Transformation of energy

Asks for new vocabularies

What is lost?

Get over the beginnings and write like it’s hot

 

What is lost

Returns, different

It’s swimming to live

Mates and weakens

 

An iterative approach

Dampened sounds

She feels dizzy during the supermoon

The appeal of the moveable edge

 

The gaps have become the bread and butter

so I look elsewhere for meaning.

The gaps are crushing in their power

like the vacuum of gaslighting.

 

Protective hoods

taken them for granted

eyeball quivers

as a simple softness enters my ears.

 

*

 

The listening subject sits and piles up similarly shaped objects, that otherwise (content-wise) would inhabit different worlds; they’ve been brought together temporarily by this listening subject, who has an interest in them. The administration of all these things, and in administering them, the time spent weighing up how much time to devote to them, and tied up with that, wondering how and why they have the value you understand them to have, and as a part of that, considering the rationales that guide many parts of the administration of life and the attribution of value, and how arbitrary this seems. But to understand some system as being arbitrary is to rule out all the power in that system.

 

*

 

Arbitrary moves

As the title for something

Is

Restless legs

Snoring or creaking: human or furniture

Those green birds

What does probability feel like?

Nervous, homeless energy

 

*

 

But there’s something I’m getting from it and it’s this word indexical – the way language isn’t just formal or symbolic but is indexical, and this speaks to the specifics of a situation and the durational experience of language: it is lively and inhabited and gestural and all that … I just move through half documents that are half read.

 

*

 

Prevalence of surveillance

You are the one listening

Not really really

compezishuns

Echo (forever resonating)

Listening is being open

The texture of misunderstanding